Prelude

2-01-13

So why is a relatively accepting 65 year old bachelor, doing a blog about his journey to emotional health, self awareness and external proudness. Well first of all, that is not what this old dawg is trying to do. The older I get the less I know about anything. In fact, sometimes I don't think I know anything and wonder where I was most of my life.  No, I have not passed the invisible line of dementia, nor am I on self unsatisfying journey to nest during my golden years in self delusion, nor do I wish to become famous as a blogger.  But I am here to get the job done..".get ur done" as some redneck comic would say.

What is the job. For me, it is about completing an assignment that I created for myself a long time ago. It is about connecting with my body.  No, that is not quite right, I don't want to sound like one of those inner child gurus from the 90's before Yanni was standard fare in elevator sounds.

 I have never had the connection of body, mind and soul. No, that is not quite right either. Now, I sound like an late night Infomercial . I am addicted to Infomercials. They have comforted me on anxiety ridden nights, before the blessings of a good antidepressant were granted.

OK, I always felt out of shape, I  hated it. I remember getting the memo of self doubt . It was in the 10 year old department. My mother took me to go Stewart's Department Store to buy school pants. I hated shopping. I wanted to be riding my bike, playing my 45's or eating tons of Cheetos's and other "carbs" we'd like to forget.  I was a pretty normal kid, a little too innocent back then when Ward and June were in our screens. But a nice kid, the kind all the mother's liked , much better than the girls .  So, the sales manager looks at me and directs my mother to the Chubby Department. Yes indeed, it was called the Chubby Department, the place that hid the clothes of the unfit. I was not OK. I refused . We went to another store and got regular pants. God, I loved being regular again and not unfit.

I was getting the message in high school, that I needed to be in shape. I swam all my life and could not make it to the swim team. It was devastating. I was an unfit swimmer. After that, my love of swimming soured, as well as the nastiest damn case of "swimmers ear" an annoying infection that still strikes, although less powerfully. Oh yea, and running around the track at high school became cumbersome, and exercise growled at me.

 I stayed away until after college.

And now, after years of struggle, hope, personal trainers, est, disappointment, laziness, TM, roids, justification,evangelical Christianity,Phoenix Cookies,  rolfing, failure, winning, gay, drugs, diets,sex and 8 different health club memberships, I am determined to get fit. Don't really want to understand why, just want to get fit. This blog is number 1 on my Bucket List.-Yea I know we are all sick of the Bucket List thing. The other thing on my Bucket List is to hold a baby Leopard. More of a chance of me getting fit. 

So let the games begin